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Cheese Salesman Attacked by Owl-Bear
 In what is being described as one of the most epic cheese salesman-owl bear confrontations in history, a cheese salesman was attacked by an owl bear Tuesday in the over-inventive minds of several lazy tabletop gamers.
“We were attempted to enter some dungeon called Death’s Doorway,” said Ken Stevens, Cheese Salesman, “When an owl bear jumped out and attacked us.”
An owl bear is a mythical creature that bears features of both an owl and a bear, because, according to the AD&D Sourcebook, “nothing makes a bear more ferocious than an owl beak.”
The adventuring party, consisting of Stevens and his companions, Gorn the Barbarian, Raven Fealtherclaw the magical healer, and Lancelot Duckbreath the thief, faced a difficult battle against the level 5 owl bear, being only a level 4 party.
“Gorn got injured right away,” said Stevens, “He has a +12 Sword of Chaos, but he also has -12 intelligence so it didn’t help much. Then, Gorn started live role-playing a groin injury just to get Raven to touch him there.”
Featherclaw would have none of it, though, and stuck to a hands-off approach by casting a healing spell.
Duckbreath bravely hid behind a shrubbery, partly to act cowardly and partly so his player could repeat the word “shrubbery” over and over as if he were auditioning for a recasting of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Stevens was left alone with the owl bear and ended up taking a unique approach.
“I tried to sell him cheese,” said Stevens, who chose his vocation because he was too lazy to complete the two-hour character generation process and chose to spend all of his gold pieces on cheese, “The dungeon master wasn’t too into the idea, but when I rolled straight 20’s on three successive rolls of D-20s, he had no choice.”
Dungeon Master Phil Gammons confirmed that Stevens was successful at selling the owl bear cheese. So successful, in fact, that the owl bear watched an entire PowerPoint presentation on the merits of Stevens’ cheese and agreed to sign up as a permanent annual cheese customer.
Satisfied, Stevens decided his adventure would conclude right then and there and he went home.
“I can see where Ken Stevens, Cheese Salesman, would want to leave after such a stunning victory over the owl bear,” said Gammons, “But it sucked because he was the only one with a car and we all got stranded at Gorn’s house.”
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