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Metaphor Devastated Endive Will Rebuild
 The Endive editorial team promised to rebuild following a devastating metaphor that beat the site nearly to death. The online news magazine was pushed to the brink of irrelevance by clichéd disaster stories and constant promises to rebuild.
“I am proud of the resolve shown here at The Endive,” said Endive Editor-in-Chief Sid Bridge, “I’m damn proud. This office is a complete mess. It will take weeks to clean it up, but I know my staff can handle it.”
Endive insiders pointed out that the messy office paled in comparison to the messy state of the brain of their Editor-in-Chief, which might even be a little more left-brained than right-brained.
Bridge firmly denied it.
“Nothing shifts to the left at The Endive, dammit,” said Bridge, “Commies.”
According to Bridge, staff members are still a little imaginary.
“I’m just using the concept of a large staff so I will have someone to make cheap jokes about,” said Bridge, “Unlike our president, I don’t pay tons of people to screw up. I just imagine they do and then make fun of them for it.”
Particularly troubling was The Endive’s damaged logo graphic, which made the least sense in today’s illustration.
“In the first article, it was split in half by the earthquake,” said Bridge, “Then it got waterlogged by the hurricane, and then it was rocked by robots with lasers. Not it just looks like someone scribbled over it with the paintbrush took in PhotoShop.”
The Endive hopes to avoid beating this dead horse, but makes no guarantees. Crap.
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