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Obama Signs Wrong Bill at Finance Photo-Op
 Flanked by a guest list of top Democrats including Joe Biden, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and Harvard Professor Elizabeth Warren, President Obama signed a bill into law that prohibits the disposal of veterinary waste in public garbage cans.
The bill, proposed by an angry Senator Harry Reid, was aimed to ensure that he won’t have to “put his hands on cat testicles while trying to fish his wife’s pearl earrings out of the garbage again.”
Obama was supposed to be signing the new Finance bill into law, but a jammed copier prevented it from being ready while the photographer was available.
“Guys, let’s just sign Harry’s cat testicle bill and I’ll do the finance thing in my office later,” said Obama as an antsy photographer pressed him to get started so he could leave in time to photograph the Weinberg Bar Mitzvah, “Nobody has a freaking clue anyway.”
Photos of the event show everyone looking somewhat perplexed, with the exception of Reed, who has a gigantic grin on his face.
“This is a great day for America,” said Reid, “No longer will Americans have to worry about putting their hands on a pair of dog balls while fishing through the trash for a sandwich. Now that’s looking out for our homeless citizens, thank you.”
Reid was circumspect when asked what Veterinarians would do with excised animal parts now that the bill was signed into law.
“I don’t give a crap,” said Reid, “Throw it out back or something. Just keep it out of the public dumpster - especially the one where my idiot wife dropped her earrings.”
The President was somewhat livid at Reid’s remarks, as he had hoped to pass off the Veterinary Waste Bill as the Finance Reform Bill until he could rectify the mistake once the copier was fixed.
“I’m somewhat livid,” said Obama, “Everybody was supposed to pretend we were signing the Finance Reform Bill. Barney pretended. Hell, even Joe Biden got it right. All they had to do was look on like something important was happening and not say a damn thing about cat testicles.”
Once word got out, other dignitaries in attendance tried to salvage the moment by ascribing importance to the Veterinary Waste Bill.
“This is the most important Veterinary Waste Bill since the New Deal,” said Barney Frank, “From now on, the American people will never again be asked to finger a set of dog balls. Well, unless they go into the vet’s office and ask if they can have some dog balls to play with. I do that all the time. It’s perfectly acceptable. Just don’t throw them in the garbage. Use your common sense, people.”
Seeing that the bill took on new importance, Republicans quickly slammed it.
“This bill puts your dog’s nuts in the government’s hands,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, “The Obama administration is over-reaching its bounds as it tries to reach under my dog. Until we can get this stupid bill revealed, my dog’s balls are staying right where they belong – on my dog. Barney Frank can have them after he’s done licking them.”
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