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Fed Sues Arizona for Sexual Harassment
 Attorney General Eric Holder announced today that the Federal Government will file yet another lawsuit against the State of Arizona, this time for sexual harassment.
“We have no doubt that this was the intent of Arizona’s immigration policy,” said Holder, “They clearly want to put their hands all over any undocumented alien. Not to mention that in Mexican culture, asking for someone’s place of origin is a pick-up line.”
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, who was already angry about Holder’s racial profiling lawsuit, went positively nuclear when she found out about the sexual harassment suit.
“#$%&!” said Brewer, “Eric Holder can suck a fat, salty pair of #$%s! If he shows his Cartlon Banks-looking ass in Arizona, I’ll deport him back to his home country of Stupidf**kovia where he can live out the rest of his days with Barack Obama, Joe Biden and that jackass who played JJ on Good Times.”
Brewer went on to explain that Holder’s suit is baseless, especially because it’s impossible to single any phrase out as a Mexican pick-up line.
“Maybe asking for place of origin is a pick-up line,” said Brewer, “But so is saying Hi. And asking about installing PVC plumbing. And anything spoken by a masked wrestler. And slowing your vehicle down near anyone of the opposite sex. As a matter of fact, everything in Mexico is a pick-up line except ‘Congratulations on your purchase of a new Kia.’”
Meanwhile, the rest of the country has watched from the sidelines as Arizona’s battle with the Federal Government has brought the deeply divisive immigration debate to the forefront.
“It’s so racist to send illegal Mexicans back to Mexico,” said Shawna Stevens, a Seattle resident and professed NPR addict, “They have a right to come here and earn money without being taxed by our oppressive, corporate-controlled government. And, they shouldn’t have to get sexually harassed along the way by people asking for their place of origin. That’s just wrong.”
“Why can’t we just build a 50-foot high concrete wall, top it with lasers and constantly wipe it down with butter?” said Oliver “Bear Nuts” Brickell, a Texan who patrols the border for fun, “Jeez, I’ll pay for it as soon as the Jeep is paid off.”
Governor Brewer, still frustrated, indicated that all she wanted was for President Obama to do his job.
“Do your job!” shouted Brewer.
President Obama was unwilling to work on Brewer’s terms.
“Golf first, job later,” said Obama. “Excuse me, please. Time to watch Glee.”
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