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Biden Strikes Again – Gaffe-Fest II
 Vice President Joe Biden once again launched into an all-out gaffe-fest during an economic speech in Kentucky, which culminated in the collapse of a GE executive.
Just days after Biden referred a custard shop manager as a smartass, he released a torrent of gaffes that left Jim Campbell, CEO of GE’s appliances and lighting division, a little faint. Even the opening of his speech sparked controversy.
“First of all, I’d like to honor the memory of my late friend, Senator Robert Byrd,” said Biden, “When Robert took off that KKK hood, he showed the world that a guy who looks like Emperor Palpatine can still love West Virginia enough to give it lots of pork.”
Sensing a few distraught looks from the audience, Biden quickly changed the subject to the economy.
“Some of you may have noticed that the economy isn’t quite as healthy as I projected,” said Biden, “That’s only because of a certain smartass who runs a custard shop. If that monkey-f**ker wasn’t trying to sabotage my economy with his s**tty custard, we’d be showing some real growth right now.”
Biden then indicated he was just kidding and that he really didn’t believe that custard shop owner Scott Borkin would ever f**k a monkey.
“Monkeys like people with hair on their heads,” said Biden, “Scott’s totally bald, kind of like Christopher Reeve was in his last few months. Boy was that freaky.”
Next, the Vice President turned his attention to Elena Kagan’s confirmation hearings.
“I hope Judge Kagan gets confirmed quickly,” said Biden, “We need a more manly presence on the court, and she’s more man than Hamid Karzai. I just hope she can survive the hearings. She looks pretty bloated. You could almost hear her warbling from across the room.”
Biden also tried to address the lack of progress in the Gulf oil crisis.
“I know you’re all anxious to see the oil get wiped out faster than Joran van der Sloot wipes out young ladies,” said Biden, “But you need to be patient. We’re not going to let BP deploy anything out there that we can’t take credit for. Plus, we don’t want to cause an environmental disaster by using some strange equipment to remove the oil.”
Biden indicated that cupped hands are still the safest way to lift and remove oil from the Gulf without upsetting its fragile ecosystem, and strongly discouraged the use of large tanker ships like A.Whale.
“We’re the experts here and you’re not,” said Biden, “So let Barack and I handle this and we’ll keep you up to date on the Twitters, FacingBook, MyFace and Perez Hilton. I mean it. You all really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
GE’s Campbell finally fainted when Biden’s final gaffe pushed him over the edge.
“In closing, I just wanted to point out that it’s pretty darn hot and humid here,” said Biden, “I mean, my butt was so swampy this morning, that an alligator jumped out of it and bit this poor lady’s dog in half. She still has half a dog, so she’s fortunate. If it wasn’t for global warming, she might have a whole dog right now. Is my time up already? Fine. I didn’t want to keep speaking to this group of assholes anyway.”
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