|
Back to archives Home
Laurie David: That Wasn’t Al Gore, it was a Parking Meter
 Producer Laurie David spoke to the press today to clear up misconceptions about her alleged affair with former Vice President Al Gore.
“This is all just a big misunderstanding,” said David, “Someone got hold of a photo of me humping a parking meter. I can understand how that could have been so easily misconstrued.”
David explained that she’s been attracted to parking meters for a long time, and had “briefly considered” relations with Gore, but she opted against it as she found the parking meters to be more “stimulating.”
Vice President Gore, still reeling from his recent separation from wife Tipper, had an extremely emotional reaction.
“I am having a reaction,” said Al Gore, “that concludes my statement.”
Meanwhile, Tipper Gore reacted with outrage.
“All this time, I could have had a parking meter?” said Tipper, “At least they have a variety of messages to share and they stay erect!”
After regaining her composure, Tipper Gore indicated she would be moving on to other projects.
“I just want to get this behind me so I can focus on my attempts to claim Gary Coleman’s remains,” said Tipper, “I won’t rest until I have at least a saltshaker full of his diminutive ashes permanently mounted to the dashboard of my Volvo. And I want some of his sweaters.”
David finally indicated that she was interested in capitalizing on her relationship with parking meters.
“I’ve partnered with the good people at Trojan to offer a lineup of contraceptive parking meter protection devices,” said David, “It’s called the Laurie David Ultra-Tall Meter-tip Magnum with Added Quarter Slots. It will be available next week at your local pharmacy.”
Vice President Joe Biden expressed support for David’s efforts.
“I think it’s wonderful that Laurie David has come up with a line of rubbers for parking meters,” said Biden, “Now Madonna will always have a place to sit. What? Why is everyone looking at me like that?”
Back to archives Home
|
