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Airlines Hope to Penetrate Ash Through New Ash Hole
 Airlines in the United Kingdom found a spark of hope in a new hole forming in the cloud of ash covering the U.K. due to the eruption of an Icelandic volcano.
“We hope that our airplanes can deeply penetrate the new ash hole,” the United Kingdom’s National Air Traffic Service said in a written statement, “If we can penetrate it once with one plane, we hope to follow it up with multiple deep penetrations from larger planes.”
According to the statement, the National Air Traffic Services hopes to have planes penetrating in and out of the ash hole continuously for several weeks until the ash whole is so wide, you could “fly a 787 through it.”
The statement came as millions of stranded travelers were losing hope on both sides of the Atlantic. Most expressed willingness to risk penetrating the ash hole if it means a shot at going home.
“I’m ready to take my chances with the ash hole,” said John Everett, a New Yorker trapped in the U.K., “Given a choice between spending another night in this airport and flying into a giant ash hole, I’ll take the ash hole. I don’t even care what it does to me at this point.”
Meanwhile, Iceland’s Eyjafjallajokull volcano continued to spew ash into the air, threatening to close the new ash hole.
“I’m ready to buy a ticket for the largest plane willing to fly nose-first into the ash hole,” said David Winston, a Londoner trapped in New York, “I’m in the mining industry, so I’ve had some experience with ash holes. I know that the best way to approach an ash hole is straight on. Don’t play around the edges. Just go straight in, don’t look back and hope for the best.”
Icelandic authorities are still working to ensure the safety of their citizens and analyze the volcano to try and determine when it will stop erupting.
“We are doing our best to keep an eye on the volcano,” said Iceland’s President Olafur Ragnar Grimsson, “It’s a nasty volcano and a difficult one to pronounce. Eyja… Efjalafa… Eyjafulafukinash. We can’t really see an end to the eruption, so by all means, grit your teeth, hang on tight, and plunge into the ash hole. Best of luck.”
Airline pilots are working closely with mechanics to prepare the plane.
“I’m confident we can make it through,” said Hunter Van der Plaas, a pilot, “I just hope the airline mechanic can figure out how to slip a gigantic rubber on the front of the plane without obscuring my vision.”
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