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Health Care Debate Disrupted by Penis Game
 The contentious health care debate was disrupted in Congress today by an unlikely showing of bipartisanship when Republicans and Democrats alike tried to one-up each other by playing the “Penis game.”
The game, popular among immature teenagers across the country, involves saying the word “penis” at a progressively louder volume until one side gives up or gets in trouble. It became obvious that the game was on as soon as Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid made his opening remarks.
“It is urgent that we pass health care reform now, penis,” said Reid, including his penis in a subdued undertone, “If the bill does not pass this time around, it never will.”
The Republican response was started by Lamar Alexander of Tennessee, who said the word a little louder than Reid.
"Here's what the House Democrats are being asked to do,” said Alexander, “They're being asked by the president to hold hands, jump off a cliff, penis, and hope Harry Reid catches them in the Senate after the bill is law."
Democratic members of the House of Representatives may be angry that the Senate bill lacks a public option, but that didn’t keep them out of the penis game.
“Trust the untrustworthy Senate, penis,” said Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York, making the word clearly audible, “That’s a big leap for lawmakers who’ve seen 290 bills passed by the House ignored by the Senate in the last 14 months.”
House Republicans were concerned that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi would use a rare procedural option to move the vote through the House without a formal “Yes.”
“The alarming thing that I’m hearing now is that Speaker Pelosi is thinking about bending the rules, penis,” said Rep. Eric Cantor of Virginia, “Frankly, that makes it so there’s not a direct vote on the Senate health care bill.”
Cantor was unsatisfied with his intonation and quickly tried again, but louder.
“I’ve got the Constitution right here, PENIS,” said Cantor, “It’s section one – or Article One, Section 7, PENIS.”
Things finally got a little out of hand thanks to Rep. Chris Van Hollen, a Democrat from Maryland.
“We’re going to have an up-or-down PENIS vote,” said Van Hollen, shouting the word louder than anyone has had the guts to so far, “Whether it’s up or down on the PENIS Senate bill or up or down on a procedure that would include passage of the Senate bill, PENIS!”
The game finally ended with Rep. Eliot Engel, a Democrat from New York, who got a little out of hand.
“I want to see my home state treated fairly,” said Engel, “PENIS!!!! PENIS!!! PEEEEEEEENISSSSS!!!!!”
Soon after Engel finished shrieking the word “Penis” at the top of his lungs, he quickly noticed that all of Congress was either staring at him like he just shot JFK or covering their mouths to avoid audibly snickering.
Tom Price of Georgia was a little slow to figure out what was going on.
“Oh, wait. Was this the penis game?” said Price, “Crap. Did I miss out? Penis.”
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