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Controversial Obama Nipple Sculpture Back on Display
 A statue of Barack Obama with a sculpted bare chest featuring two nipples with built-in water fountains was placed late Sunday night at the Jakarta, Indonesia, elementary school the President once attended.
The statue had been removed a week earlier due to public backlash. A crowd of 500 people turned out for the low-key event, where the statue was unveiled by Jakarta’s mayor, who even took a second to sip the crisp, refreshing spring water that poured forth from the sculpted, pert nipples.
Since photographs of the President attending the Jakarta elementary school were unavailable, sculptors instead relied on a picture of the President frolicking in the surf of Hawaii’s pristine beaches.
The late night event was not an attempt to keep a low profile, according to the main fundraiser for the statue, Ron Mullers. Mullers simply feared that a large crowd might be overwhelmed by the amount of hope and peace that sprung forth from Mr. Obama’s nipular area.
While many Indonesians are proud of Obama’s connection to their country, detractors would rather see the nipples of an Indonesian hero honored instead.
“What about the nipples of Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono?” said Heru Nugroho, leader of a Facebook campaign to remove the statue, “His nipples do more that Barack Obama’s. The nipples of Yudhoyono exude the yogurt of kinship. Such nipple-sourced yogurt does not even require fruit on the bottom.”
Another opponent was happy to see the statue in a new location, rather than a public park.
“Our public parks are for honoring Indonesian heroes, like Seokarno, whose nipples produced a honey sweet enough to make unsweetened cranberry juice palatable,” said Yenni Rosa Damanyanti, “Let President Obama’s spring water nipples be placed somewhere where they can provide irrigation to our rice crops.”
Central Jakarta Education Office head Zainal Soleman and Vice Principal Solikhin helped three laborers set the statue in its wet concrete base.
“It was such an honor to place my hand firmly upon the nipple of Barack Obama and guide his glistening body onto his wet concrete base,” said Solikhin, “My grasp was firm and the concrete base was quite wet.”
The cost to build, then move the statue was more than $60,000, according to Mullers, but it was well worth it.
“I think he’s going to come see it. He must come see it,” said Mullers, “After all, how many chances does a man have to drink spring water from his own nipples?”
Obama, whose American mother married an Indonesian after divorcing a Kenyan, a Tanzanian, an Upper Voltan, a Swede, a Mongol, and a Presbyterian; went to the school in Jakarta from 1967 to 1971 before returning to America in order to be born.
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