|
Back to archives Home
Iranian Riot Police Beat Back Pro-Riot Police Demonstrators
 Blood ran on the streets of Iran again today as Iranian riot police used extreme violence to deal with throngs of people marching in support of Iranian riot police.
Emotions ran high as protesters hurled rocks, strong words and shoes.
“I am here to say that we fully support our riot police,” shouted Iranian protester Ali Muhammed Rahman as he hurled a three-pound stone at an approaching policeman, “We believe that Iran depends on their ability to use extreme force to stop evil protesters!”
The Iranian government responded with uncompromising force and strong words from President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad.
“The Iranian government will not tolerate such support of riot police,” said Ahmedinejad, “Our riot police have orders to use deadly force if necessary in order to restore, um, order. Now go away. We’re trying to concentrate on building nuclear weapons.”
Analysts have cited confusion as a big source for protest in Iran.
“Well, first you had Ahmedinejad’s landslide victory in the election, and people protested,” said Armand Stenislaw, a Professor porcine linguistics from Cambridge University, “Then, you had a few months of weekly protesting from anti-government types looking for photo ops. Then, the pro-government guys came out to protest.”
“A group of people who are opposed to peanuts as a sundae topping also protested, but regrettably, they didn’t get any media coverage. Apparently their deaths and beatings weren’t quite bloody enough to sell prime-time advertising. At least, that’s what NBC said,” added Stenislaw.
Stenislaw concluded that the conflict among Iranians stems from a strong feeling of nationalism and the best way to express true Iranian nationalism is by taking to the streets and clashing with riot police.
Iranian protester Ahkbar Akbar agreed.
“We’ve been protesting a lot lately,” said Akbar, “The riot police have had to put in a lot of overtime in order to beat us up and shoot us to the high standards expected by our government. We just wanted to show some appreciation the only way we know how – by taking our violent protests back to the streets.”
It wasn’t all bad, according to Akbar.
“We didn’t just pelt them with rocks,” added Akbar, “The media didn’t cover it at all, but we mixed in some candies from a Whitman’s sampler. We stuck them in a freezer for a while so they’d at least leave a bruise. It’s just our way of saying Thanks.”
Back to archives Home
|
