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Copenhagen Squashed by Giant Carbon Footprint
 The entire city of Copenhagen was laid waste today by a giant carbon foot. The creature, described as some sort of “fire breathing reptile made entirely of carbon,” squashed the center of Copenhagen with its gigantic foot while laying waste to nearby suburbs with its fiery breath.
The aftermath looked like something out of a disaster movie, with smoldering ruins, decimated bodies, and flattened vehicles, all in the shape of a giant foot.
“My sympathies go out to the people of Copenhagen,” said President Obama, who was in attendance at the Summit, “I was saved by my armored, Godzilla-proof Cadillac Escalade limousine, but it was a tragedy nonetheless. I saw a young woman throw herself on a tree in order to protect it. Both were squashed flat, but the gesture was touching, even though the tree probably impaled her as she was squished. My Escalade came out unscathed, in case you were worried.”
Immediately after the incident, Japanese scientists were consulted to determine the name and origin of the carbon monster.
“His name is Carbonidra,” said Dr. Kyouhei Yamane of the University of Tokyo, “He escaped from Monster Island when the giant force field failed momentarily. Mothra tried to stop him, but it was to no avail.”
Dr. Yamane was still trying to determine why the carbon monster targeted Copenhagen, but he wasn’t short of theories and convoluted Japanese plot twists.
“Carbonidra’s father was thought to be murdered by the President of Copenhagen,” said Yamane, “But we soon found out that he really was the President of Copenhagen who was transmogrified into human form in an impromptu trip to the planet Venus where invading Martians conscripted him into Martian army service. He was forced to become human in order to fly in Venus’s atmosphere, where he could then plant an implosion bomb in the chamber of the Venutian Queen and free the people of Saturn’s moon, Io. Then, he returned to Earth where he spent 58 years pretending to be an accountant at the firm of Wasserstein, Witz and Schwartzman. That lasted until he was sniffed out by Gamera the giant rocket-powered turtle who chased him back to Copenhagen. There’s more, but the media have asked me to shut the f**k up.”
The world has taken note of the cruel irony in Copenhagen’s destruction at the hands of a carbon footprint during the climate summit. Environmentalists did get some vindication in the sudden air quality improvement after Copenhagen’s destruction.
“It turns out that most of the world’s dangerous greenhouse gases were coming from those guys in Copenhagen all along,” said environmental activist and actor Ed Begley, Jr., “Now that all this is over I can finally go out and buy that Ford Excursion I’ve always wanted. Yippee.”
Industries also breathed a sigh of relief.
“I thought it was us all along,” said Harris Wardman, CEO of an Indonesian company that clears and burns rainforest timber to fuel ovens that cook seal meat, “What a relief. I really did feel guilty, you know.”
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