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Washington Monument to be Replaced with Giant Breast
 Quick action by both the Senate and the House of Representatives has paved the way for a new Washington Monument shaped like a giant breast.
The successful bill ended months of frustration by Democrats who were unable to get anything passed in either congressional branch, even with a 60 percent majority.
“This was something we could all get behind,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, “Every single Democrat agreed that it would be fair to women if the Washington Monument looked like a breast. We have enough phallic monuments in this country already.”
The legislation passed overwhelmingly, with some Republicans breaking rank to vote in favor of the bill.
Representative Anh “Joseph” Cao, R-La, voted for the bill after an encouraging call from President Obama.
“President Obama called me up and said, ‘You do like breasts, don’t you?’” said Cao, “How could I tell the President I don’t like breasts? Of course I like breasts. I like big, firm breasts that bounce ever so slightly during a brisk trot. I love milky white orbs with deep, mysterious cleavage that just begs you to explore and see what pleasure lurks beneath.”
“So what if I’m pro-breast,” added Cao, “Plenty of Democrats are pro-nuts. None of them had the guts to vote their conscious.”
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi lauded the move as a step in the right direction for feminism and the correction of a ‘monumental mistake.’
“You know what tweaks me about the Washington Monument?” said Pelosi, “Well, besides the fact that it’s a giant pecker; It’s that stupid capstone. They wanted to make it out of a precious metal, so they chose aluminum. They had no idea how cheap aluminum would get in a few years. Morons. We’ll fix that.”
As specified in a rider to the bill added by Pelosi herself, the nipple to be perched atop the giant Washington Monument breast will be made of pure Bismuth. Once created, it will be the largest nipple made out of Bismuth on the entire planet.
President Obama expressed pride that he finally has a legacy his presidency can be remembered by.
“Maybe I won’t get this health care thing done, and maybe I won’t get Gitmo closed or the war in Afghanistan finished,” said Obama, “But I will provide America with a giant breast. For years, people will remember Barack Obama as the breast President.”
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