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Obama to 911: Help! Biden Floating off in Balloon!
 A frantic President Obama called 911 this morning to report that his experimental weather balloon had launched shortly after Vice President Joe Biden was seen outside playing in it.
According to Obama, Biden was nowhere to be found in the White House and the balloon was already floating away at an altitude of more than 6,000 feet.
“Please, please just save our Joe,” said the President to an assembly of the White House press corps, “If something happened to him, I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Oh, and support my healthcare bill. That is all.”
As Navy helicopters scrambled to track the balloon and firefighters made plans to rescue its wayward occupant, the press corps surrounded a lone Michelle Obama, crying on the back steps of the White House.
“Please, G-d, bring my little Joe back safe,” said the First Lady, “He’s just an innocent little boy who had no idea what he’s gotten himself into. If he comes back alive, all will be forgiven! Support Obamacare.”
Picture of the balloon flooded news stations across the country within minutes – a saucer-shaped, improvised weather balloon with the words “SUPPORT OBAMA CARE” emblazoned across it in gigantic letters. A bullhorn attached to the bottom constantly repeats the phrase “SUPPORT OBAMA’S HEALTH CARE PLAN!”
“I just hope that little guy is okay,” said White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, “I just can’t imagine what this place would be like without Joe Biden or health care reform with a public option. It would be a tragedy of epic proportions. Our brave men and women of the fire department, Army, Navy, Air Force, and Search & Rescue better save our little Joe. They could also benefit form better health insurance coverage, like all of you people.”
It didn’t take long before reporters started questioning the President on the legitimacy of this emergency, given his inability to account for Biden’s whereabouts and his constant shilling of health care reform throughout the incident.
“I assure you,” said Obama, “That this is very real. We’re not making this up. Joe’s really in trouble. He just reminds me of health care reform. He’s got a little bit of hair that somehow covers a large area of his head. If all of his head can get covered by just a small amount of hair, then we can provide health care for all Americans.”
Obama ended with one final plea to reporters.
“Get your lazy butts off of my White House lawn and go help everybody find Joe and bring him home safe. If something happened to him, I just, I just couldn’t go on! I have to stop now. It’s too difficult. I want to cry. Support Obama care.”
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