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Iran’s Secret Nuke Plant Found on Qaddafi’s Head
 Intelligence sources today revealed that Iran’s secret uranium enrichment plant is actually located atop the head of Libya’s Moumar Qaddafi.
“They hid it right under our noses,” said Vice President Joe Biden, “I suspected they’d try to do something like that. They’re a liability, just like all those ***holes who work at the Shop Rite. Somebody really ought to beat the crap out of those people. Oh, and David Arquette. There’s a monkey f***er if I’ve ever seen one.”
The Vice President was unable to finish the briefing as his microphone was suddenly cut off.
United Nations sources indicated that the information on Iran’s hidden nuclear plant came to light in a memo from Iran to the U.N.’s “Committee for ***holes who are going Nuclear.”
According to the U.N., the committee, sponsored by Syria, provides a forum for peaceful countries like Iran and North Korea to share notes on the challenges of gaining nuclear power, including such problems as refining uranium, not blowing up half of your own country, and hiding you plant somewhere that Americans won’t find it.
According to the memo, Iran chose Qaddafi’s hair because “nobody wants to look at him anyway.”
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad quickly denounced the U.S. for its suspicions on Iran.
“It is not fair that the evil Americans are privy to information from the United Nations,” said Ahmedinejad, “We just want peace. We know that peace is achieved by blowing up the United States and Israel. We are happy to negotiate a peaceful outcome – which involves either the aforementioned blowing up or those countries adopting Sharia law. By the way, we’re still trying to figure out how to make the actual explosion. If anyone has any pointers, call us. I’m looking at you, Putin.”
Qaddafi expressed surprise that people would focus on his hair.
“Why would anyone think my hair is a nuclear power plant?!” shouted Qaddafi, “You are all crazy. I am going to ignore you while I go back to slaughtering 27 goats, removing their kidneys and pelting them at people from Switzerland. When I’ve finished with that activity, I’m going to steal you coffee and drink half of it. The other half will be returned to you, but it will contain backwash.”
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