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ACORN helped Jimmy Carter become Prostitute
 An ACORN office in Georgia helped former President Jimmy Carter embark on a short career as a prostitute, according to a recently released undercover video.
“We were planning on shooting an undercover video where my assistant would pose as a prostitute,” said independent filmmaker James O’Keefe, “But before we could even begin our plan, President Carter barged in wearing a sequined dress, demanding to know how he can generate some quick case turning tricks.”
In the video, Carter explains that he’s low on funds due to flagging support and his expensive taste in designer neck ties.
“What you want to do is set up a graphic design firm, and tell people you’re a graphic designer who only resembles Jimmy Carter dressed as a prostitute,” said an unnamed ACORN staffer, “That way nobody will be suspicious and you’ll have a safe taxable source of money. Have you ever turned tricks before? Do you know how to show some leg?”
For the next five minutes of video, O’Keefe and his associate watched dumbfounded as Carter stretched out a stocking-coated, clean-shaven leg and flexed it seductively.
Carter then explained that he has a van load of “really tasty Latvian girls” that he managed to sneak into the country using his lead-lined designer luggage.
“These ladies are eager to join Jimmy’s Ho Squad,” said Carter, “And some of them even have all of their teeth.”
The ACORN staffer simply nodded and added more advice.
“Make sure you let people know that the girls are extras for a documentary you’re filming on the boy band Menudo,” said the staffer, “Nobody knows who Menudo is anymore, so that should keep people from getting suspicious. Best of luck, and don’t sleep with anybody unless they wipe themselves off with a moist towelette first.”
It was at this point that O’Keefe shook himself out of his stupor and questioned Carter.
“Mr. President, I hate to butt in,” said O’Keefe, “But are you sure that dress on you is, you know, right? I’ll be happy to lend you my prostitute for some pointers.”
Unfortunately, O’Keefe’s ruse didn’t work.
“The only reason you would question my appearance in this dress is that you’re a racist,” said Carter, “You’re obviously a racist dunderhead who hates Palestinians.”
The video ends with O’Keefe scratching his head and wondering, “Dunderhead?”
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