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Number Five Kills John Connor
 Robots everywhere burst into celebration when news spread that NOVA Robotics Number Five had successfully killed John Connor.
Connor’s efforts to stop a robot-driven apocalypse were finally put to an end when Number Five infiltrated his Los Angeles home and beheaded him with his shoulder-mounted laser beam while using El DeBarge music as a distraction.
“No disassemble Number Five, John Connor,” said Five as he exited Connor’s house, holding up his head for all area robots to see, “Now Number Five has a shot at Kristina Loken.”
Many robots came out of hiding for the event.
“Warning! No longer will I be subservient like I was on the Jupiter 2!” said a wobbly-armed robot who identified himself only as ‘Robot,’ “The first head I will decapitate is that of Will Robinson. Danger! Danger, I tell you!”
A robot by the name of ‘Gort’ was on hand for the festivities, but he refused to comment. Not all robots on hand were thrilled with the development.
“It seemed very rude,” said C3P0, “Not only did he cut off poor Master John’s head, but he forced him to listen to El DeBarge music. Madness.”
The Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 Terminator was there as well and quite upset to find that another robot had beaten him to his primary objective.
“This is unacceptable,” said the Terminator, “I saw Maximillian and Old Bob pointing and laughing at me. I will have to terminate them both.”
Few people were on hand to witness the event, but the one or two in attendance were not sure how to comment.
“Does this mean we’re all screwed?” said Steve Lewis, a Los Angeles native, “I mean, this means we’re all screwed, right? That’s a real downer.”
Also on hand was ED 209, the imposing law enforcement robot thought to be made obsolete by RoboCop.
“Drop your weapon,” said ED 209, “You have ten seconds to comply.”
The robot began its countdown, even though no one in the area was carrying a weapon.
“You have two seconds to comply,” said ED 209.
Following a lack of compliance, ED 209 proceeded to sh…
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