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Notre Dame Awards Obama Honorary Empty Envelope
 The University of Notre Dame has opted to award President Barack Obama with an empty envelop at its commencement ceremony, allowing the President to appear even though he is several credits shy of an Honorary Degree.
“We are very excited that the President will be speaking at our commencement,” said Notre Dame President, Rev. John I. Jenkins, C.S.C., “But we ran into a few snags with the honorary degree. I think we came up with a suitable solution.”
The note to the President from the University of Notre Dame reads as follows:
“Dear President Barack Obama, We thank you for your hard work in becoming President and breaking new historic ground. Unfortunately, according to our academic review board, you are 38 credit hours short of an Honorary Degree. Since it is theoretically possible to make these hours up in summer classes, we are allowing you to appear at commencement and receive an empty envelop. In return, we ask that you please report for Economics class promptly at 7:00 a.m. Thursday. It is important that you report promptly, as you’ll need to demonstrate passable knowledge in Economics, Biology, Mathematics and especially Ethics if you plan on earning an honorary degree.”
Obama’s aunt expressed pride that her nephew would at least get to walk at commencement.
“He really wanted to walk at commencement,” said the President’s aunt Zeituni, “He was just so far behind I didn’t think they’d let him. He didn’t even open any of his economics or business textbooks. He was too busy playing Galaga at the Pizza Hut around the corner.”
Protests for the President’s appearance at Notre Dame finally dissolved after news that he’d be receiving an empty envelope.
“I was shocked when I heard they were giving this man an honorary degree,” said chief protester Dr. Alan Keyes, “When I found out that envelope was empty, I almost soiled myself from laughing so hard. I think my work is done here. I’m taking my protesters and going home after we all stop for a pizza.”
The President took the news with dignity and humility.
“I hate Econ,” said Obama.
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