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North Korea Nukes Switzerland
U.N. Concerned
 The U.N. Security Council expressed concern in an emergency meeting Sunday over North Korea’s complete obliteration of Switzerland.
Though no official reaction has been released by the Security Council, sources indicate the council plans to step up warnings to North Korea about its ‘provocative’ actions.
“At some point, members of the council will begin multiple consultations to see exactly how we might want to react,” said Claude Heller, U.N. ambassador from Mexico and head of the Security Council, “We’re not sure when we’ll begin the process of formulating our position, but we hope it will be soon, as in, within the next three years.”
The obliteration of Switzerland occurred at approximately 11:30 a.m. Korean time on Sunday and heightened concern among countries who would like to see an end to nuclear proliferation.
“The complete vaporization of Switzerland is a real setback to our global efforts to slow the proliferation of nuclear weapons,” said Susan Rice, U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, “I hope we can come up with a clear resolution to prevent further unnecessary proliferations like this one. I mean, North Korea had to make that nuke in order to launch it. We’d like to see them make fewer nukes.”
Confusion was rampant across the U.N. regarding how the launch managed to happen in the first place.
“They said they were launching a satellite,” said Yukio Takasu, Japan’s U.N. representative, “We thought they were doing it to get cable T.V. We had no idea it was a satellite capable of obliterating whatever country it landed on. Hopefully when we all decide on a resolution showing how distasteful we find such weapons, North Korea will cut back a little.”
Even China urged calm on all sides.
“We urge calm on all sides,” said a representative of the Chinese Foreign Affairs Ministry, “It was just a little nuke. It’s not like Switzerland was that important anyway. The important thing is that everyone remain calm and continue buying stuff made by Asian people. Hail Mao.”
South Korea was slow to react, but did finally release a preliminary statement.
“This is a serious threat,” said a prepared statement from the South Korean government, “The people of South Korea are still processing the magnitude of a nuclear North Korea. In the meantime, we all humbly request that you send clean pants. We need them.”
President Barack Obama was clearly disturbed.
“Someone called me at four in the morning to tell me about this,” said Obama, “What the hell? Do you really need to call me that early with this kind of bulls**t? I thought I had won the White House college basketball pool. I need to stop giving out my number.”
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